purple_jbo (purple_jbo) wrote in achingxbeauty,

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I am new to this community and wanted to introduce myself. I am 25yrs old and 152.5lbs (and trying to loose). I come from a large family and am considered the black sheep. I have a horrible brother in law that finds pleasure in insulting me and pointing out my flaws (as if I can't already see them). I have a father who is slowly dying of heart failure partly due to his un-managed diabetes (that is an added stress on me and my family).
I get so anxious and upset sometimes that I stop sleeping. I am currently going on like 2 weeks of no sleep. Has anyone tried sleeping pills? Do they work and is there one that is not addictive?
I hate my reflection, but don't know what to do about it. I have acne scars (from previous breakouts) that wont go away (any suggestions?) It does not matter how much makeup I wear I can still tell that my face is not smooth and perfect. I also feel fat all the time. My husband in the past has told me how unattractive he finds obese women. He never directs these comments towards me but I feel that I want to be thinner for him so he will always find me beautiful. I have in the past starved myself to loose weight and find myself doing it again. I don't want to be this way, but it seems to be the quickest way to get the lbs off.
I just want to cry out my frustration sometimes!
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